It’s not really visible in the above picture (and no, I am not going to pose in my underwear), but I am bursting out of my clothes, especially out of my bras. The C cup bras I recently purchased are cutting into the flesh – quite an unusual feeling for a woman used to carrying a very humble A. I’d be very happy to report to look great with big knockers, but I just don’t. It all looks a bit ‘porn star gone wrong’, and I am already looking forward to the day my cleavage will deflate again.

My sartorial saviors during the past two weeks have been an extremely versatile, grey DKNY snood (pictured above) and a black boob tube for pregnant people. You know, one of these stretchy cotton tops that you can use to cover your growing bump and also hide the fact that you are walking around with an unbuttoned pair of trousers.

I have managed to stay away from proper maternity wear, but am unsure of how long I will be able to resist the lure of my local Séraphine store…