The co-pilot requested fennel tea - so fennel tea it was!

Little L was five weeks last Tuesday, and somehow it feels as if she’s been with us forever. Life without her is a distant memory and seems as long ago as a restful night. At the same time everything is still brand new and she surprises us every day with another trait of her personality shining through. I could gaze at her for hours and hours, feeling so blessed and lucky to have her. Of course, she is the most perfect, amazing, beautiful and smart little creature the world has ever seen, and I am almost bursting with pride. Vowing to respect her privacy, I have to fight against the urge to plaster this blog with her pictures.

I was convinced that this wouldn’t happen to us – but even her pooping makes an interesting dinner conversation between Big M and me. Our first outing was seeing me in the back of the car with her (someone needed to watch her in her sleep…) and Big M lonely in the front, navigating the car through London’s busy roads. Although we swore not to ‘babytise’ our whole life and keep our beloved sports car, talks of selling the car and getting something more… erm… practical, are brought up every other day now. Of course, little L is not following any routine (nice suggestion, Gina Ford!), but mummy follows little L when she decides it’s sleeping time. And rather than accepting babysitting offers and grabbing the chance to sneak out for a quiet meal and some us-time, I cringe when thinking of other people touching my little angel, my gem, my coeur d’amour, mon chouchou, mein Liebstes…

Speaking of other people: Big M’s parents have been here to visit last weekend, and surprisingly, I found myself perfectly at ease with my mum-in-law cradling her grandchild, and even leaving my eyesight to take her for a little walk around the block in her pram. I would love to see them growing close; my own grandparents have been a solid rock in an unsettled childhood, and I can only hope for little L to have another pair of adults she can trust and confide in.

Slowly, I am coming to terms with the responsibility that swamped me the second I got to hold her for the first time.

For the interested reader: Our trip to bottle-feeding paradise was a cul-de-sack; every bottle feed needed to be finished with a breastfeed to settle the screaming bundle. We are back to pure breastfeeding now (plus the dummies and the tea), and at the moment, I can full-heartedly say: Yes! Breast is best…